Coming Out to others...

Why come out to others?

Being attracted to another man, or being gay or bisexual, is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, if you feel very strongly about something you may want to share this with others. For example, you may have a crush on a boy and desperately want to be able to tell someone you trust. Or, you may have a new boyfriend you want to introduce to people you care about.

Remember that bottling up a secret can be very difficult. You may end up having to tell more and more lies to cover up your feelings. If you don't tell people who are close to you about your feelings, you may be cutting them off from a very important part of your life. This can make your relationships with other people very difficult just when you may need support. You may also decide that coming out may not make your relationships easier. It is up to you to decide what you want to share with other people.

Do I have to come out as gay or bisexual?

Your desires, fantasies and feelings are your own. It is up to you whether you want to share them with other people or not. It is also up to you to decide if you want to call yourself gay or bisexual.

If I decide to come out, who should I tell?

It's probably best to start with someone who you think will be more open and positive. Are you prepared for a bad reaction? Are you prepared for a good reaction? Talking it through first with a support worker or a telephone helpline might be helpful.

(See directory)

Should I come out in stages or all in one go?

This depends on you and how much support you have. Some people want to tell everyone at once and get it over with. Others come out over a number of years. Some people decide to tell only one or two others. Who you talk to is up to you. You may tell a close friend first or a member of your family. Remember to prepare yourself for different reactions. You are only being honest and telling someone about your feelings.

Should I come out to my parents?

Whether you have a close relationship with your parents or not, you may feel that this is important part of your life that you want to share with them. Some people find it easier to discuss the subject with one parent or another member of the family first before approaching the rest of the family. Other people decide not to discuss their sexuality with their families. It is up to you. Do you have the telephone number of a gay switchboard or parents organisation that could help you or your parents?

(You do now - see directory )