Coming Out...What about sex?

There are plenty of things you can do and enjoy, like kissing, cuddling and oral sex, wanking together, touching each other, anal and vaginal sex.

What if I don't like doing something?

Don't do it. Although it is sometimes difficult to say 'no', remember you don't have to do anything you don't want to. You can take care of yourself and enjoy sex more if you can communicate what you want and what you don't want. You are worth taking care of.

What is safer sex?

Safer sex means having sex that reduces the risk of transmitting infections. Some can only be passed on through unprotected intercourse. Others can be passed on through oral sex as well. To make sex safer, you can educate yourself. Many of the organisations listed in this booklet can provide you with information and support (see directory).

But, knowledge is not enough. Feeling comfortable about the sex you may have and being able to communicate with a partner are also very important. Thinking you might have got an infection or passed one on can be stressful. Good sex means feeling happy about it afterwards, as well during.


HIV is one form of infection that can be passed on through sex, most commonly through unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. HIV can be passed on whether giving or receiving. Penetrative sex without a condom is risky for either partner. If you have anal or vaginal intercourse, you can make it safer by using a condom and plenty of oil free lubricant. Lube should be either water-based or silicon-based.


Oil weakens condoms,which makes them much more likely to break. Using plenty of lube makes sex slippier, which is better for both condoms and comfort. You can get condoms and lubricant at the chemist or free in gay bars or from the Healthy Gay Scotland website: www.healthygayscotland.com

At what age can I have sex?

The legal age of consent for sex with men or women is 16 in Britain.

I'm nervous about having sex. What if it all goes horribly wrong?

We live in a society that is very uncomfortable with sex. So, it's not surprising that a lot of people are anxious about it. Before having sex, there are a few things you might wants to think about. Is sex what you want? Or is it friendship, attention or just a cuddle? Are you confident enough to say what you want and say what you don't want? Do you feel like you have to get drunk or high to have sex? Do you trust the other person? Are you in a place where you feel comfortable and safe? Have you thought about safer sex? Do you feel comfortable using condoms, if you decide you need one? Sex can go horribly wrong. It can also be an amazing experience, especially if you feel comfortable and prepared.

What is cruising?

Some men meet and have sex in public places, such as parks. This is called cruising. Sex in public is illegal, though engorcement varies. You can contact LGBT Youth Scotland for information about your rights. Cruising also involves a risk of assault. Be careful!